In-Between Season

Does anybody else find the snow as blinding as I do? I swear, I find more use for sunglasses (that I don't own) during the winter than I do in the summer. All that snow gets me teary-eyed and then when the wind starts up I end up full-out bawling, unintentionally of course.  And to remedy the situation, for fear that it may be awkward for the odd passerby to watch the mini-stream of some sort of salt-water/mascara concoction flowing down my face, I grin. No joke, I full out grin in hopes that people don't think that I'm crying, I guess I prefer them to think that I am crazy.

March has never much reminded me of winter month. And no, not even with the snow outside, innocently resting on top of the frozen ice. I tend to focus more on the brilliant blue skies than I do on the grey-white, it's less depressing that way. 

This month is a deceptive month, it is. You wake up, you look out, all you see is a sea of blue. Or at least that's the view from my bed. And now I look out, and the blue is gone and the grey is out. The day's inability to decide whether she wants to be bright or dull or just in-between is depressing on its own, especially when in the end, gloom wins out.

And here I am too, in between my own seasons. I'm stuck between Inspiration and Apathy.  A quarter of me wants to go out and change the world and the rest of me wants to stick around at home, change back into my pajamas, put my hair up and just bum around. Grey seems to be winning out today.

My personal battle today isn't anything big. It's just getting to class, paying attention, doing my readings, and completing my assignments, but the effort of it all doesn't seem worth it. I'd much rather be at a cafe with a friend and just talk out all the grey until only colour is left inside of me. I want to listen to beautiful music, I want to walk around Toronto and appreciate this beautiful city, I want to be free today. 

I know my future is bound to be beautiful and it's hard waiting for it to come around. It's hard to live in today, sometimes, when all you can think about is the beauty of the infinite possibilities waiting for you tomorrow. Today, I'm tempted to play hooky with reality and live in a fantasy-world while I wait for dreams of my future to materialize. 

But just like it can't be all reason all the time, it can't be all heart either. I'll let you know who wins out by the end of today.